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Writer's pictureEllieAnne Silverfall

Pain is winning for now.

This is going to be a long one... For the short of it, intense, chronic pain from a yet undiagnosed issue is making it very difficult to concentrate on meshing. For the long of it, read on.

I mentioned in my "about me" section that I found my way to Second Life after being diagnosed with a condition that was debilitating. That condition is Fibromyalgia.


Back when I was first diagnosed, about 15 years ago, it took a lot from me. I went from pain killer to pain killer (by doctor's hands, not my own) until they had me on methadone, only to find out it wasn't working for me over time.


I reached a point, back then, where I was fantasizing of very unhealthy ways to end my pain. I had two very young children at that time and I just couldn't do that to them. So, I went to my doctors (I had 5 specialists) and told them that I could NOT continue like that. They suggested upping the methadone, but figured we'd just have to keep upping it as my body was not able to use it properly due to another, very rare condition I was born with, an inborn error of metabolism (fun fact, didn't find out that it affected such things till I had an epidural that didn't work and the doctors were freaking out because I needed an emergency C-Section). So, they said, as a last resort, they were going to send me to a pain clinic. It was a God-send and I wish they had sent me there first. 2 weeks before I started the program, I decided that I wanted to start from ground zero with my pain. Thus, I quit the methadone cold turkey. I DO NOT recommend this. I also do not recommend methadone for pain unless you are terminal... it was that bad. But, thank God, I went through enough adversity as a child and young adult that I very very strong-willed. My mom took care of me as I felt like I was dying; I managed to survive this 2 week withdrawal period (it took MUCH longer than that for all the withdrawal symptoms to end). The pain clinic taught me ( for some sense of brevity, I won't go into detail) how to manage my pain. I told them I did not want to go back to any narcotics, so they taught me how to deal with my pain via stretching, exercise, meditation, and mental walls (and occasional muscle relaxers because my muscles knot up).


I have survived the last 15 years without narcotics for pain, including going through a dying tooth and it's subsequent root canal and crown. The most I ever take is a combination of ibuprofen and acetaminophen, and when my muscles are really bad, a muscle relaxer. I learned that much of my pain was caused by nutritional deficiencies, artificial sweeteners, and stress. I always have pain (I was diagnosed with all 18 trigger points), but most days I can handle it mentally. I was given a prescription NSAID that lasts 24 hrs, but I won't take it unless things are really, really bad, because it takes the pain away too well, to the point where I drop my mental walls... making the next day almost unbearable without taking something. Now that I've caught you up, let me explain what I mean about "pain is winning for now." For the past 3 months I have been having progressive and debilitating hemifacial pain. In most recent days, I have been reaching 9 on the pain scale. It started slow, with what I thought was an earache. Because I am so good at ignoring pain, I ignored it for a solid 6 weeks before it got to be too much. At my daughter's and husband's urging, I went to Urgent Care (I find them mostly useless... I was going to see my doctor, but my appointments kept getting cancelled). They diagnosed me with fluid behind the ear and sent me off with prednisone and prescription flonase. The prednisone did a number on my heart rate and blood pressure, but did take the pain away. But that's all... and once it I was done with my 5 days, the pain came back. The flonase barely helped at all.


Several more weeks go by while I am still trying to get in to see my doctor. My ear still hurts and now I have pain with my jaw and the pain spreads across my face, up my temple, and down my neck (all only on one side). I started thinking I was having issues with my TMJ, which I had problems with 15 years ago (but not since) or that maybe I had another tooth dying. I know how to check for tooth pain, so I clacked my teeth with no pain. No swelling of the gums, no bleeding while flossing. But, I'm not a dentist. I made it in to see my doctor twice. The first time she was concerned that I was never treated for an ear/sinus infection and believed that the infection had spread to my mastoid bone. She gave me antibiotics and told me to stay the course with the meds I was taking. The antibitics did clear my ear and sinuses, and the pain behind my ear (mastoid), but the rest is still there, including the ear pain. After the second visit, she thinks it's my TMJ and, even though MRI is the gold standard, she was more concerned about possible degeneration of the joint, so sent me for Xrays. That was over a week ago and I still have no answers other than I am supposed to get a referral for physical therapy for my jaw.

I went to see a dentist that also treats TMJ, because I wanted to rule out a tooth issue and dentists are better with the jaw. He also suggested it was my TMJ, as I admitted I have been under a lot of stress lately with my RL business and my children (one had a fiancé end their engagement and his whole life blew up and the other has had some major health issues all last year, so we were trying to get all her school work done so she can graduate (she made it!). Still I haven't ground my teeth in years (that I know of) I do clench sometimes, but at night I catch flies... and with this pain, slack jaw is more comfortable. He didn't quite expect how much my jaw pops, cracks, and slides, but it's been like that for decades, so I don't think much of it. He agreed that I need physical therapy before going further and gave me a referral. Now... eating, biting, chewing, even clenching do not hurt. It doesn't get better or worse with anything except tylenol, ibuprofen, and a muscle relaxer. Ice doesn't help - it hurts. Heat doesn't help - it hurts. It hurts all the time. And, I discovered that loud noises near the ear on the affected side does seem to make it worse. Also, that side of the face, when the pain is down to a 2 or 3, feels weird. Similar to how you feel when the novacain from the dentist is wearing off and you are still swollen. Except I have no swelling. I can only go a maximum of 5 hours between doses. At hour 4 the pain starts coming back. Sometimes I have to double up because the pain gets so bad. It takes an hour or so before the pain goes back to a 2 or 3. For the most part it goes from 2 to 7, but lately it has been getting to 8 or 9. I get about 2 hours at 2-3. Not only is this making it difficult to concentrate at my RL business, but trying to focus on meshing is very difficult right now. I go see my doctor again tomorrow, to explain that the pain is getting worse and that I may know why it started and is a vital piece of the puzzle that has been missing, mostly because I waited so long that I forgot what happened or at least the proximity of the two events - and to demand an MRI because I am certain it isn't my TMJ. The vital bit? Well, everyone I saw asked if there has been an injury. I kept saying no, that it started with an earache. Well... while trying to figure things out and reading a LOT of medical articles about hemifacial pain like I'm experiencing, I read something that turned the light bulb on. I DID experience an injury prior to the earache. I went through my journal (ok, ok, logs of me talking to my BFF... it is basically a journal!) to figure out when the pain started and when my accident occurred. January 25th, I slipped on the ice on my driveway, my feet went out from under me, and I fell on my back, smacking the back of my head on the concrete. I hit it pretty hard. Probably should have gone to the hospital, but, well... I'm good at ignoring pain. By January 28th the headache was finally gone, but my neck was still sore. The "earache" began February 1. Coincidence? Probably not. So, I will see my doctor tomorrow and we'll go from there.


Until I get this pain under control, I may not be able to do much "new". I have some things that are already in the works, so I hope to still have some releases, but I'm not going to stress over it. I hope you'll stay tuned, as I do have plans to ramp up productivity now that my kids are both adults and need me a bit less.

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